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Right. Now, I'm going to tell you the true stories behind some of my credits.

Like the time that I was cast in an episode of Granada's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (opposite Jeremy Brett) because the director read a rave review of one of my solo shows. I was totally miscast as a tough detective from America's Pinkerton agency. With a dangerous fight scene on a rooftop. In order to butch myself up, I asked for a big handlebar moustache and a stunt man for the fight scene. Somehow, it worked. I still get some nice repeat fees.

Speaking of repeat fees, one of my most unusual jobs was playing "Mr Beaver" in BBC TV's version of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I went into that audition speaking Standard English and was then asked if I could do an accent; they didn't realize that I was already doing one! I chose the Bristol dialect, as I was working at the Bristol Old Vic at the time. And that's how Mr Beaver came to have a Bristolian accent.

One of my earliest jobs was at the Old Vic in London, playing a young stoat (and the front end of the barge horse) in a gloriously old-fashioned version of Toad of Toad Hall, starring Ian Talbot as Toad and the 85 year-old Richard Goolden, who was in his 50th year playing Mole. I was always rather flattered that, of all the various stoats scurrying around on stage during the chaotic fight scene, the venerable Mr Goolden chose to chase me, smacking my bottom every night and twice on matinee days with his rolled-up copy of The Daily Telegraph. A fine introduction to British show business.

Years later (1995) I got the best reviews of my life for a play called Disappeared by Phyllis Nagy. We opened in Leicester and undertook a national tour. Eventually, Stephen Daldry brought the play into the Royal Court, where we sold out. I played a mysterious character called Elston Rupp (below), who wore an oversized tuxedo, claimed to be an entertainment attorney and was arrested for a murder he probably didn't commit. I was nominated for Best Actor in the TMA Regional Theatre Awards (opposite David Suchet and Anthony Sher).

Disappeared was one of the two most difficult experiences of my career, equalled only by a tour of Sam Shepard's True West for Shared Experience. Again, much misery. Again, great reviews. Matthew Warchus, who has directed the play twice, told me that it's famous for causing unpleasantness between the actors playing the two brothers.

Something more recent and much more fun: a few scenes from the film Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2010). I play a scientist who clones Dolph Lundgren. Dolph does more than smack my bottom.

If you watched the somewhat disturbing Universal Soldier clip, you may need to sooth your nerves with the American version of the mega-popular children's animation series, Thomas and Friends (formerly Thomas The Tank Engine). I play Sir Topham Hatt (that is, The Fat Controller) as well as iconic engines like Gordon and Henry . In the UK version, I play the ever-so-sneaky Diesel.

In this short excerpt, Sir Topham (me) issues an order to James, the prissy and proud red engine (also me).

Video games: I was there when they first took off - and I'm still providing voices. Here's the opening scene from a video game called Dog's Life. I wrote the dialogue for all the animated scenes and the game itself. I play three characters in this scene.

The game, released on Sony PS2, was nominated for a BAFTA Award. This sequence looks a bit primitive now - and the fart joke goes on too long - but I was pleased with the way it turned out.

In total, I played 32 characters in the game and am listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as holding the record for most characters voiced in a single video game.

I've been a contributor to BBC Radio since I first played a shy cowboy in a long-forgotten play about the Mormon leader Brigham Young, back in 1979. I also experienced my first radio kiss. You normally kiss the back of your hand on radio, but Kathleen Turner, some years later, insisted that mouth-to-mouth would work better. I don't know if she was right, but it was a lot more interesting.

Anyway. Here are some of my best radio experiences.

I played all the roles in The Woody Allen Reader (which I adapted from Woody's three books).

I played six roles in Dr. Strangelove (which I also adapted). I won two Sony Awards for this (one for acting and one for writing).

My other radio adaptations which I also starred in include My Dinner With Andre, A Confederacy of Dunces, The Prince of West End Avenue, The Harder They Fall, and What Makes Sammy Run?

Other memorable radio roles are: The Joker in Batman: Knightfall, Humphrey in Jack London's The Sea Wolf, Lennie in Steinbeck's Of Mice And Men and Marvin Gaye, Sr. in a Radio 3 biographical drama about soul singer Marvin Gaye.

That reminds me. Here are some other historical characters I've played on the radio:

Abraham Lincoln, Roy Orbison, Richard Nixon, Muhammad Ali, T S Eliot, Barry Manilow, Robert Crumb, Henry James, Edgar Allan Poe, Dashiell Hammett, Thomas Jefferson, John F Kennedy, Robert F Kennedy, John Steinbeck, Norman Mailer, Lee Strasberg, Lyndon Johnson, Ritchie Valens, Bernard Herrman, Jule Styne, Graydon Carter, Herman Melville, Buffalo Bill, John Wayne, Bob Dylan

- and God (twice).

Then there are the many BBC Radio readings.

Favourites here include The Lost Continent, Neither Here Nor There, Down Under and Notes From A Small Island by Bill Bryson, as well as The Joys of Yiddish, The Great Gatsby, A Confederacy of Dunces, The Education of H*Y*M*A*N K*A*P*L*A*N and Pure Gravy (about Raymond Carver).

Finally, my favourite audio book quote:

"If I were a rich man, I would pay Kerry Shale to come round to my house and read books to me."
-Miles Kington, The Independent

And some of the 130 Audio Books I've recorded:

Life of Pi, The White Tiger, Huckleberry Finn, The Age of Innocence, The Wizard of Oz, Tender Is The Night, Cold Mountain, The Good Soldier, My World and Welcome To It, A Patchwork Planet, Slumdog Millionaire, all of Lee Child's "Jack Reacher" thrillers and The Wombles

This an excerpt from my Audio Book reading of The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga. There are dozens of characters; all of them Indian!

Many of my audio books are available for download here.